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Monday, February 5, 2018

Saying Goodbye is Never Easy

I had something else planned today.

In fact, I had everything planned out this week for the blog, instagram, my journal, you name it.

But then I found out that a friend of mine had suddenly passed away on January 26. I just found out late Saturday night because we didn’t have mutual friends and his mother had posted on his Facebook page. He was a childhood friend from back when I lived in New Mexico. He lived on one end of the block and I lived on the other and for awhile we were inseparable. We were never in the same class but boy did we hang out after school and on weekends. All the freaking time. We played in my front yard with my dog Misty, talked, laughed, and all the things you do when you’re 9 years old and your best friend is a boy. Then he moved away to Japan and I moved to Texas and in the process lost touch.

I thought of him often over the next 15 years until out of the blue he found me on Facebook. I honestly didn’t think he would remember me after all this time, much less reach out to me. He had been looking for me for YEARS! We were so happy to have found each other and over the next four years talked on the phone and on Facebook. I wanted to see him soon and we had talked about meeting up so we could just hang out again.

Now we’ll never get to do that.

He had two kids who are still very young and are missing their father.

I don’t begin to compare my feelings to those of his family because we missed 15 years of each other’s lives but I am mourning for the loss of the opportunity that we might have had to build a really great friendship on the back of the one we had when we were kids. This was someone I had never forgotten and who had never forgotten me. Most of the people from my time in New Mexico are more acquaintances now than friends but he wasn’t. The sad thing is that I don’t think I have any photos of us together because we just didn’t take a whole lot of photos back then. I’m hoping that somewhere in my baby albums that one exists and that it hasn’t been damaged by being kept in storage but that’s it. I reached out to his mother and she told me that he was so happy to have found me again and that she appreciated that I kept in touch with him after that initial contact and I just burst into tears again.

I’ve never lost someone I cared about, much less someone that I didn’t have the opportunity to spend time with.

I just wanted to say today, that I will always miss him and always treasure the memories I have of us as kids, now more than ever. He was a good human being, which I don’t say about too many people. He was kind, funny, and smart as hell. I know he had a rough time after he moved away but I believe it made him stronger, wiser, and more capable of being a good person. I wish he were still here.

Goodbye my friend. I am sorry we didn’t get to talk as much as we wanted, much less see each other again in this lifetime. I dearly hope that I do have a good photo of us together so that I can give it the proper affection it deserves and put it in a frame after all these years.

You are one of the few people I genuinely loved and felt privileged to call my friend. I hope that wherever you are, you are appreciated and loved as you were here by your family and friends.

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