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Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016: The Year That Almost Broke Me

2016 has been a shitty year for a lot of us individually and as a collective whole.

We lost so many iconic figures: Alan Rickman (I took it hard), Prince, Florence Henderson, Alan Thicke, John Glenn, Gene Wilder, Juan Gabriel, Anton Yelchin, Natalie Cole, Muhammad Ali, and just in a matter of a week we lost George Michael, Carrie Fisher, and her mother Debbie Reynolds (who was such a delight to watch in Singin’ in the Rain) just to name a few.


I personally lost my own Lucky Star. My Pud, who had been with me for 10 years, died on August 22. For someone who has severe depression, anxiety, and insomnia on top of dealing with a difficult living situation, that was one of the cruelest things life could have dealt me. For the rest of my life I will feel his absence because he came to me when I wasn’t sure my life was worth living, protected me when I was in an abusive situation, and when self proclaimed friends and family decided to walk out of my life rather than be associated with a depressed person, Mr. Pud consoled me and showed me how true a friend he was. He showed me that even though we didn’t have a house, we could still be home. He was happy wherever I was and I was happy wherever he was. We were never apart very long so facing life without him is daunting and scary for me.

But you wouldn’t know it looking at my online presence where the pretense of “happy” is what 99% of people are doing.

2016 seemed to be the year of pain for a lot of people. I read my friends’ posts when they lost their own furbabies and I grieved quietly and privately with them because I could relate. I offered my heartfelt sympathies when some of those friends grieved people that they lost this year and my heart hurt for the friend who had to spend his first Christmas without either one of his parents.

2016 was also the year I almost quit blogging because of a Sensitive Susie who kept hounding me about my “offensive” memes and posts in subtle and not so subtle ways. This person took, and as far as I know continues to take offense with everything from hot guy posts, to grammar memes, to memes that make fun of the younger generation, to memes that make fun about how far we’ve fallen as a species (Ironic since they were a prime example of that one). No matter what I posted this person found ZERO fun in it and 999 reasons to complain about it. This person’s passive aggressive behavior had me feeling so bad and useless as a blogger and as a person that I started to question myself and whether I was blogging “the right way” that I was thisclose to closing up shop for good. I figured since I wasn’t really a big time anything it wouldn’t be a big deal.

Then I was surprised by an ARC approval of Accidentally on Purpose by Jill Shalvis (Which I’m just head over heels about her books) and I realized “Hey, I worked my ASS off to get to the point where I’m getting approved for these kinds of books! Why am I going to let some bitter, whiny person ruin this for me?” I LOVE reading and I love talking about the books I’m reading but I also enjoy customizing my tiny space on the internet with my “virtual” me and my “virtual” pets.

That’s when it hit me that I was falling into an old habit of letting someone control me and how I felt about myself. It wasn’t easy but I confronted this person and while it made no difference on their over the top sensitivity, I felt better and more determined to keep blogging and add a little more of a personal touch in 2017.

Yeah, I want to put this miserable piece of shit of a year behind me and start new. I want my friends to have a better year too because damn, you all have had some tough shit thrown at you and that just ain’t right. I want 2017 to show us all that there is light at the end of the darkness.

So fuck you 2016. Fuck. You.

Hello 2017. Please be kinder to us than 2016.

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