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Monday, August 29, 2016

I Didn't Want to Come Back Like This

My last photo of my dragon.
I didn’t want to come back to blogging like this.

In case you don’t follow the blog on Facebook or Instagram, on August 22, 2016 at around 6:45 p.m. Mr. Pud crossed the Rainbow Bridge after his health suddenly started to decline a few days before.

It was a no brainer to let him go but I can honestly say I didn’t expect it to be more painful than the other times I’ve had to say goodbye to my furbabies.

Professional spot taker. No shame at all.
There’s a reason for that though. Mr. Pud saw me through my darkest days, the days where the depression I’d had for so long really took hold and had me at its mercy. Mr. Pud knew what to do every single time and I can’t even explain what exactly he did, he just did it better than anyone I know. That kind of unconditional love and support from such an innocent creature is addictive and refreshing so when he had to go it was like the rug was pulled out from under me and I fell into an ice cold abyss. That’s not a good experience for anybody but if you have depression or are close to someone who does, it can be dangerous. I’m not going to lie, it’s been pure hell. The roller coaster of emotions is worse because I’m dealing with both depression and the loss of someone so vital to my well being. He and I clicked so well that people knew that where one of us was, the other one wasn’t far behind. We were even nicknamed “Hiccup and Toothless” because our relationship was exactly like the movie. Down to the way I’d talk to him.

Lover of car rides.
Just writing this has me extremely weepy and in some ways miserable but I try to remember that I had 10 wonderful years with him and while to any pet parent it isn’t enough, at least it was something. Mr. Pud was happiest when he was with his family, small as it was so I take comfort in knowing that even though we haven’t had the best living situations, he was happy to be with us and looked forward to each day with a smile on that perfect face. And of course, to his paper baggies hidden around the house for him to find with that big nose of his.

Now, I don’t want this to be a totally depressing post so I do want to say that part of the healing process is to have something to look forward to, or a project to focus on.

Meet my new “Pawject.”

She's a cuddler.
Her name is Hayley (We changed it) and while I would never think to replace Mr. Pud, it was imperative to have another dog in the house. I’ve had dogs since I was nine and would never want to live in a dogless house. Plus, I don't think I can live in a house with no dogs.

Hayley needed a home since her temporary home was going through changes and couldn’t keep her. I’m so grateful they took her into their home in the first place because you know how most of those types of stories go. They gave her lots of love and helped her adjust to living in a home.

Anyway, Hayley is a delight. She’s a bit on the wild side because she needs to learn the rules around here and her place in the family but she’s extremely lovable, friendly, and playful. My grief is being balanced out with the joy of learning this shorty’s personality and just falling in love with her.

She has hazel "bedroom" eyes.
So without further adieu, I am back to blogging and I hope to talk with you all soon. I didn't want to come back to blogging while grieving but the best thing I can do is keep busy and get back to interacting with people who love books, love dogs, or who love books and dogs.

And in case you’re wondering, Hayley has her own Instagram page. It was something I had wanted to do with Mr. Pud but never got the chance. So her page is in memory of him.

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